


Deeds Unpunished

by nekosmuse_archive (nekosmuse)



Category: Third Watch
Genre: F/M, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23551534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekosmuse/pseuds/nekosmuse_archive
Summary: Written pre 2005. Posting for archival purposes.A kiss can cause so many problems.
Relationships: Maurice Boscorelli/Faith Yokas
Kudos: 1





	Deeds Unpunished

Part 1: Fred

My life has changed considerably in the last few months. Having a heart attack is an extremely frightening thing. It makes you reconsider all your past deeds. Fills you with the need to repent, make amends and strive for a higher purpose.

At first I took this to heart. I let God into my life and opened myself to all His wonder. The clarity was amazing.

After I woke up from the surgery, the first thing I remember was seeing my kids’ faces. They were so beautiful, so full of life, so full of potential. I felt instantly blessed and a smile came to my face.

I remember looking over at you. You looked awful and I knew for once it was me you’d been worried about. You smiled at me and I fell in love with you all over again. I knew from that moment on things would change, we would change. I was once again filled with hope for the future I wanted.

In the first few months everything was different. I felt alive, awake and aware. It was incredible. We stopped fighting and everything became calm. It was what I’d always wanted for us, for our marriage, for our kids and mostly, for my life.

I even began to see the good in Bosco that you’d always told me existed. I began to appreciate the uniqueness that is your partner. Gone were feelings of inadequacy, jealousy and resentment I’d carried for so long. I knew your heart belonged to me and no other.

I guess I was wrong.

If someone had asked me a year ago if I thought you’d always been faithful, I’d say no. I was never actually certain, never caught you in the act, but I suspected it. Maybe it was just the way you looked at him, or the way he looked at you but I was so sure you were leaving my bed to go to his.

If someone had asked me three months ago if I’d thought you’d always been faithful, I’d say yes. I was completely certain. You’re closeness with you partner was just a byproduct of the job. I was certain you had never, nor would ever betray our marriage vows.

If someone asked me today if I’d thought you’d always been faithful, I’d say no. I know better now. I’ve seen with my own eyes your betrayal. Found you in his arms, heard his name on your tongue.

You told me it was innocent, you were simply comforting him. I can’t count the number of times you’ve said those words to me. I’m forced to question how many of those were what you made them out to be.

I don’t think you realized how long I’d been standing there. Did you just presume I’d missed his lips on yours? That I’d come into our living room a second later then I actually did. Perhaps you just assumed I was too blind to know what I saw. Friends don’t gaze at one another the way the two of you do. Partners don’t embrace with the intimacy I saw between you. Colleagues don’t blush like you both did.

If I wasn’t convinced then, I was the second Bosco stood. His desire for you was evident. He rushed out of our home like a man burned. I couldn’t even stop him, I wanted to, for the first time in my life I wanted to kill another human being.

I can’t even look at you now. I knew you desired him, knew you loved him, but seeing you with him still shocked me. You don’t even try to make amends, I can see it in your eyes, you want to follow him, I think you’d follow him to the ends of the earth and back.

You haven’t said a word since he left. I can tell you’re embarrassed, I can tell your conscience is guilty. I don’t know what to say either, I want to yell and scream and kick but instead I shut myself away in what was once our sanctuary.

I don’t want you here, you’ve made no move to leave so I am forced to pack your things. I’m not careful with them, you don’t deserve that.

I leave your bags by the door and return to the bedroom. I don’t wait for you to leave, I know you will. I don’t ask where you’ll go, I know that too. I also know he’ll welcome you, there will be no guilt on his conscience, he’s torn apart a family tonight but he’ll still let you in.

I hear you leave and allow myself to cry for the first time in months. I’ve lost you and I know there is no hope of winning you back. He’ll always be your night in shinning armor and I can’t compete with that.

Part 2: Faith

It’s late and I can’t sleep. Fred’s snoring again, it’s something I’ve become accustom to but it annoys me all the same. I’m pacing, I feel caged, trapped, like there’s not enough air and I need out.

I barely hear the knock it’s so faint. Three o’clock in the morning can only mean one person, Boz. I open the door and wordlessly let him in. He doesn’t ask how I knew it was him, or even how I knew he was coming, those sorts of things go unspoken between us, we just know.

He’s upset, not a surprise really, Boz only ever comes here when he’s upset. I know what set him off this time but I still wait for him to tell me. He doesn’t, not right away, he just sits on my couch and stares at the opposite wall.

I take my place beside him, I spend so much time there, it almost feels as though it’s where I belong. When he speaks it’s muffled, the hurt evident in his voice. A sudden urge to hold him and sooth away his demons comes over me, I don’t act on it though, it wouldn’t be appropriate. There are so many things that aren’t appropriate when it comes to Bosco.

Boz has this incredibly conflicting effect on me. The mother in me wants to chase the monsters out from under his bed, the woman in me wants to lie in it. Tonight the latter thought is playing on my mind.

Before I can stop myself I find my hand on his back, slow circles. I mean it to be calming but the action is erotic to me. Suddenly there is too much heat between us and I pull my hand away. Boz notices and I can see the question in his eyes.

I know I must be a sight, my hair is tasseled, my skin flushed and my pupils dilated. I’m startled to see the same look reflected in Bosco.

Before I have a chance to speak he lunges at me, I’m caught completely off guard. The kiss is fierce, eight years of pent up emotion behind it. His hands are in my hair and his teeth bruise my lips. I’ve never felt such need, such arousal, I’m overwhelmed by the intensity of it.

Slowly my senses return to me and I’m able to push him away, I know it wasn’t soon enough, I’m not sure there is a soon enough with us. He’s panting, beads of sweat line his forehead like rain drops. I have to restraint myself from kissing them away, pulling him back to me and losing myself in him.

We stare at one another for what seems like an eternity, I want so desperately to say something but my tongue is tied and all rational thought has abandoned me. His look becomes guarded and he drops his gaze.

It’s then I notice Fred, my husband. I can’t read his expression, how much did he see, surely he hasn’t been there long, he doesn’t seem angry, only disappointed. Bosco looks up at me once more. He sees the direction of my gaze and undoubtedly the panic in my eyes. He turns his head, slowly, as though caught in a dream.

Upon seeing Fred he bolts up, he’s out the door so fast I’m not sure I didn’t imagine him being here. I’m torn between following him, asking him why he kissed me, what it all meant and staying here to save what was once my marriage.

Words won’t come to me, I try to speak but silence echoes through the room. I see the anger build in Fred, he doesn’t say anything, just turns and walks away. I know I should follow him, try and set this right, try to make amends, but I’m stuck here, grounded in this spot, my entire world altered without my permission.

Fred returns with my things, everything I own, everything I am, packed into two small bags. He doesn’t ask me to leave but it’s implied, I know I need to stop this, need to throw myself at his mercy and beg forgiveness but my thoughts are stuck on the image of Bosco, my need for him is too great.

Without a second thought I leave, close the door on my life, everything that once defined me. I linger outside the door, I can hear Fred anguish but his tears no longer reach me. I am drawn to Bosco, I think I always have been.

Part 3: Bosco

I knew tonight would be bad, the emptiness and loneliness that has redefined my life is more apparent now then ever. I’m sitting in Ma’s bar, an untouched beer in front of me. Ma’s tried talking to me but she’s never been all that good at listening and I’ve never been all that good at opening up. I momentarily consider leaving with the blonde sitting at the end of the bar. She’s glanced over at me twice now, she’s a sure thing.

I don’t want her though, she’s artificial and can’t reach me. I leave alone and somehow find myself standing in front of Faith’s apartment building. I knew I’d end up here, I always do. I make my way to her door and knock, it’s only after that I notice the late hour.

The door opens and she’s standing there. There is no surprise or question in her eyes, only understanding. Seeing her automatically calms me, no matter how crazy life gets she always has that effect on me.

I move to sit on her couch, I know she’s waiting for me to speak but I can’t find the words to tell her what’s wrong. I know she knows but she’ll wait for me to tell her. It comes out in a rush, she offers no explanation, no comforting words yet I feel better just knowing she’s there.

Her hand finds its way to my back. Her touch is warm, soothing and at the same time extremely sensual, sometimes my want for this woman frightens me. All too soon she pulls away, I almost whimper at the loss of contact.

I glance over at her, I rarely see this side of her, free from makeup, hair out of place, she’s stunning. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips, the motion is slow, deliberate and my need to kiss her becomes overwhelming. Usually I can suppress my feelings for Faith, but not tonight, tonight I am tired, broken, tonight I need her warmth, her love.

Before I can register what I’m doing I’ve captured her lips, the kiss is hot, amazing, I instantly become hard. I’m shocked when she kisses me back, her tongue in my mouth, my shirt clenched in her hands.

She pulls away and this time I do whimper. The look in her eyes is unreadable and I find myself looking away, afraid of the regret I’m sure will register there. When I look up again I notice not regret but fear, I follow her gaze and Fred fills my sight. It’s then I realize I’ve just broken down a barrier I swore I’d never cross. I kissed my very married best friend and partner.

My discomfort becomes too great and I bolt for the door, I don’t speak, no words can help this situation. I momentarily feel guilt for abandoning Faith to Fred’s wrath but remaining only reminds me that she’ll never be mine.

I don’t stop running until I’m safe once again within the confines of my apartment. It’s dark but my shame overwhelms my fear and I leave the lights off. I have destroyed too many lives tonight, I deserve to live in darkness, to be locked away from light.

I curl myself into a ball and weep. I cry for Faith and for her broken marriage. I cry for myself, for losing my partner and the only woman I’ve ever truly loved.

Part 4: Setting it Right

The phone startles me out of my reverie. Assuming it’s Ma, I let it ring, I don’t really want to speak to anyone right now, except Faith, but she’s at home, probably making up with Fred. The machine picks up and suddenly her voice fills the room. I knock over a lamp in my haste.

“I’m here, Faith, where are you?”

“Hi, I’m sorry, I know it’s late but um, I’m downstairs.”

Relief and a strange sense of glee wash over me. I tell her to come up and wait. It’s not long before she walks through the door and into my waiting arms.

“I’m so sorry Faith, are you OK?”

“I am now.”

I take her bags and lead her to my couch. She sits and I leave to make up the bed. She’s been crying and I’m not sure if it’s for me or for him. I don’t want to ask, I’ve caused her enough pain tonight. I let her take the bed, I’m used to sleeping on the couch and she needs it more then I do.

We haven’t mentioned the kiss. We both know it’s why she’s here but some topics are better left untouched. In the morning we will figure out what we’re going to do but for now sleep is a necessity.

I’m awake before she is, I’m not really used to company and am not sure what to do with myself. I make coffee, tidy a little, pace. When she wakes the silence becomes oppressive. I know I need to explain my actions but how do you tell a woman you’ve been in love with her for eight years but have never found the words to say anything.

“Boz, we really need to talk.”

“Yeah, I guess we do.”

We stare at one another.

“It’s over, Fred and I, he threw me out.”

She laughs at this but it’s bitter, tears once again form in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I never meant…”

“It’s not your fault Boz, it’s mine, I…”

“No Faith, it’s anyone’s fault but yours ok, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m not sorry you kissed me, or that I kissed you back or even that Fred saw.”

To say I’m shocked by her confession would be an understatement. In all the ways I envisioned this conversation, never once did she tell me that. I’m staring openly at her now, she doesn’t look embarrassed, or even frightened, only pensive.

“Me either”

She smiles at this and suddenly the entire situation seems comical. Her laughter breaks the silence and I can’t help but join her. We must look odd, standing in my kitchen, tears marring our cheeks, laughing hysterically.

I once again take her into my arms, this time there is no hesitation, she comes willingly. I’m not really sure what will happen now, but we’ve managed to come out of this unscathed and it's enough.

Part 5: Conclusion

I received the divorce papers in the mail today. I guess it’s official, Faith’s left me, although I suppose I was the one to throw her out. She’s shacked up with that jagoff partner of hers, what a surprise.

I saw them the other day, they had just dropped the kids off at school. I’m not even sure why I was there. I guess I knew it was her night with them and she’d be dropping them off. Obviously their relationship has become a little less professional then she always made it out to be.

I always used to envy those couples that were still in love, holding hands, touching, kissing and just happy in general. I guess I wanted that for my own marriage, Faith was never one for public displays of affection. Guess she’s changed her viewpoint.

I know I really don’t have any right to be upset. I mean I haven’t exactly been nominated for any ‘husband of the year’ awards, but seeing her with him, god, it makes me sick. I suppose I should be happy for her, she’s moved on with her life, she’s content. I still hate him though, always will.


End file.
